The Sleazy Underworld of College Fairs

A sign reads, "Life is Short, Eat Desert First".

All of these pictures that I post are from the camera in my laptop. So I apologize for not having a digital camera and for this poor quality. It's actually quite funny to see me holding up my computer and taking these pictures. I look like I'm crazy



There is this underworld to college fairs. To give you an idea of what I do when I’m not giving presentations is that I represent Full Sail at college fairs. I usually enter a large gym, convention center or high school where lines and lines of tables are set up. You carry your “collateral” to the table that has your college name. You lay out your special embroidered tablecloth and obsessive compulsively lay out your brochures and information sheets. Before the fair your usually fed snacks like cookies or fruit and coffee. If it’s a good fair they’ll have a complete spread and if you’re lucky a local culinary arts school will make the dinner. You hope that’s there’s enough bottle water to get you through the two or maybe three hour fair. With a half hour until the doors open to the students you mingle with other college fair reps, or introduce yourself to the table next to you or behind you. That is imperative. The rep standing next to you will make or break your night. They will be your savior, your partner your break from chaos of horny teens. This time I had Todd – Cornell College (not the university), Kim – Iona College NY, some guy from G.W. and old Larry from the other college I attended Columbia College Chicago. These people will be my team that will save me from the insanity.

Once the doors open students, parents and guidance counselors move from booth to booth with dreams, educations, and for parents a financial nightmare. Full Sail will either be known by students, or have been seen in a magazine or people stop by for curiosity. You pick your stance and make final adjustments to the brochures. You prepare yourself for standing the next two or three hours while waiting for your first sell. I kind of compare it to speed dating while you do everything you can to make an impression so they will give you their digits. Then of course hopefully the marriage when they give you their 70 thousand dollars in the end. The repetition begins to get tedious. The same questions asked, my same opening blah blah blah said. That’s when you check on your partners in crime. Either you see how they are doing or shoot over a funny face. It’s like two psychics reading each other’s minds. Finally the fair winds down. You say your good byes to your new friends, grab your stuff, finish paper work, hit a local Fed Ex drop box and drive away.

I’ve made a lot of friends during these fairs from all kinds of schools. When I started last spring attending these things I was so intrigued by it. It’s a people watcher’s wet dream. On my second or third fair I finally asked if there was a college fair underworld. “Oh Yes!” she said. These fairs are on going. Most of these people are on the road more than I am. They’re rock stars! So a lot of these people see each other all the time like how I see my friends at these fairs. My friend offered, “It’s very much a soap opera.” Most of these reps are young and beautiful. Working in the marketing or admissions department at the college. Some have family most don’t. One-night stands are the norm or when two reps from different schools meet at the same fair every year they hook up, sort of thing. Several people have parties back at their hotels or go out for drinks. I’ve even heard of BBQ’s happening. Yet I stay close to my people. Those others are like a fraternity that I really don’t want to join. Plus they are very selective and mostly are guy reps trying sucker in the newest cutest female rep. Yet, I enjoy sitting back and watching the sleazy underworld of college fairs is quite fun. I rather do this everyday than presentations.

I was really excited to go the University of Maine where the college fair was being held. On Monday night I had some extra time before the fair to explore the campus. As I walked and walked it was big boxy brick building after boxy brick building. In this vast campus there wasn’t anything that stood out. It was plain. They had a huge grass area where few students were laying out enjoying the weather while studying or reading. I sat down at a bench with a cup of coffee and looked around. I found myself picturing what it would look like in winter. The trees covered in snow, the snow sparkling in the sun and found myself getting depressed. Seriously, if I was a student there in the winter I would go insane like Jack in the “Shining”. No wonder Stephen King is the way he is, he lives here in Bangor. There were no nature paths or great statues. No beautiful architecture, nothing really. Just brick buildings. I went into the student union and went to the bookstore to get my shirt. There was nothing I liked really. The only one was just plain grey but the only sizes were extra large. I’m not that big…yet. I lowered my head in disappointment and walked to the gymnasium.

This morning I arrived at the college fair at UM an hour early. When I began to set up my table an old gentleman working for the fair came up to me. He said my stand up quick screen wasn’t in regulation of 4 feet high 18 inches. Basically it’s a banner that is pulled up from a base like a giant poster. He made me take it down. At the last two fair there were no complaints nor was there any last night. He told me he didn’t have the rule sheet with him last night and so he didn’t make me take it down. Yes there are rules at these fairs; it’s quite ridiculous really. Come on? You have college sports teams giving illegal gifts to perspective college players and I cannot put up a six-foot poster. Lame. Apparently I wasn’t the only one. Two old ladies a couple tables down had to take down theirs as well. And as the guy from G.W. pointed out, the Military booths get to keep theirs up…SCAM!!

Well, either way, today’s fair was a bust. All the vendors were complaining about the number of students attending and the quality of students there. It was pretty lame. People started packing up 15mins early and I waited it out. I said my good byes to my fair friends and packed it up. I jumped into Big Blue to head back to South Portland.

A nice two-hour drive I pulled into the Best Western. It looked beat up from the outside and nothing what it looked in the pictures on the web. You see, I have always stayed at the Holiday Inn’s but a recent corporate shift to booking everything on Expedia rendered that useless. Expedia doesn’t carry Holiday Inn’s and I was just a few points shy of being a top priority member. Urghh…

I enter my room, which is annoyingly non-smoking and hoped for the best. It actually has a nice charm to it. Microwave, fridge, two sinks, a phone in the bathroom and the most brilliant thing is the MASSAGE CHAIR, the ones at a Brooktstone store with the calf massager as well. After taking a shower I lied in it for an hour. Then jumped into bed and fell asleep. Today was my rest day. Now that the gymnasium doors are closed, the classroom doors are opened. Let the presentations begin…