To the ones I love...

I do appreciate all the advice I received from everyone regarding last night’s rambling throw down. All of it helps in the construction of anyone’s or mine journey through life. Without the questions we ask answers will never rise. Everyone’s trials are their own their trials may be simple compared to someone else, but they are our own. Our situation that needs to be thought out or found in our own way. Ignoring questions is a way of giving up on our daily trials.

Positive mental attitude aka: PMA is a great way to live your daily life. Being positive when you wake up to the time you go to sleep is important. Having that positive energy changes the energy around you and everything else, but we all know we have those bad days where PMA is thrown out the window. No matter what happens to me I always end up having a good day eventually. When things are out of your control you have to throw up your hands and let life sort it self-out. Majority of the time you always find that it works it self out and worrying about it doesn’t accomplish anything other than stress and sleepless nights. Yet sometimes you can’t control it whether it’s a mental condition or a situation that was in your control that eats away at you. The month of August I was a recluse because of little things added up and I was being torn down. It took family and friends as well as my job for making me leave Florida to pull me out of it. Now I’m a recluse because of my job not because I want to be. Yet, everyday I try to inspire young adults, explore a new place and retreat back to a small room. But isn’t that why I write these blogs? To connect to all of you, my dear readers.

I have had this dream since before I was six years old about what I’ve wanted to do with my life. I’ve been persistent and patient. I’ve succeeded and failed. As the years go on reality sets in and you end up knowing more about the “real-life” of your dream and you have a choice to continue on or give up. Although, I have wanted to give up many times in exchange for a more simple life, I just can’t. So I will journey on.

My father brought up the differences between “want” and “need”. I debated him on the difference but I understand what he was saying. For example: I want a camera because I need to make movies to help me get ahead. But the difference is more internally than physical. The simple fact life is not fair and not matter what it will always be bad, bad, bad, good, bad…

For those of you who know me know, I enjoy my little blessings and never take them for granted. I’m sensitive to the things around me and I’m vocal about my emotions to which I have no shame. You know me when I’m serious and when I’m just being a dirty old man. My dry sense of humor has gotten me into trouble a hundred times over and my sarcasm can sometimes can be misunderstood by even my close friends. I’m a fan of the half-truth and I enjoy living in the gray area.

This blog thing is new to me and I love it. I will be able to tell my friends and family who cannot see me everyday look inside my mind for a few moments everyday. For my mother and father to better understand their son on how he ticks. My cousins to be better explain who I am to their children, faux cousin/friend to build to make our relationship stronger, high schools friends to see that we haven’t changed only grown up, new friends or people that don’t even know me that we are all in the same boat and my closest friends to let them know I’m alright and their love means so much. I write to you as an outlet for me because I trust and admire all of you dearly. I’ve said this often and I will continue, but without all of you I would be a lost soul. If God chooses to take me home tonight or years from now I will at least have this. If I lose any of you, I know I can call upon any of you to cry on your shoulder. I move around a lot especially now and it’s hard to say where’s my home. My home is inside all of you.

I’m like all of you. I have my good days and my bad days. I see challenges and victories all in one day. I ask question looking for answers. I question faith and rely on it. I give out the good and fuck up sometimes by being bad. Set backs makes us strive to be better. I believe people are all the same inside. We hope, dream and wish for certain things. We are all trying to do something. From the religious radicals to the impaired, belief is a powerful thing. We all believe in something and that’s what’s makes us similar it’s just our beliefs that makes us different. If I had born in a different time or different culture my belief would have been different. I was born to two loving parents, wanted to make movies and have strived to make that happen. I’ve seen most of the United States, met some of the most beautiful people in the world, loved, seen and experienced so many things in my life like all of you have. We live in a beautiful world where bad things happen.

Oh, I’ll question the bad all the time because that’s what’s going to add drama to all of this. Hell, I’m waiting for something controversial to happen real soon to keep you guys interested. It can’t be all roses. To be honest, I kind of feel a bit censored only because I respect my mom and dad so much, but I’m slowly going to break down those bridges. Not like anything like this has happened but what if I have a one-night stand at my hotel, what will you all think? I guess that remains to be seen. I suppose that will be all a part of this whole story of this one man’s journey inspiring high school kids and seeing the country.

Thank you for being a part of my journey and being my home. I love you all.

For the ones that read this and don’t comment let me know you exist. Say hello or make a statement.

Dad: you don’t have to scroll down to the bottom of the page to comment, you can comment at the end of each post. I want to make sure people read your comments every day.

Mom: You have so much to say, even if it’s a bad day. People can learn from you and your disease. I don’t know if my blog reaches those people, but you are wise and we youngin’s can learn from you.

Michael: Aka: Fairy God-Mother, along with my mom and dad you helped raise me. You have been patient, supportive and dealt with the most shit out of anyone. Nothing is hidden between us and I love you for that. You are a part of my family…period


Brit: What can I say that I haven’t said already? You Rock!!! Yeah, that’s frat boyish and unintelligent, but I’m allowed because you know the true meaning behind all of it. I love you dearly and forever. Everything you write is absolute brilliance.

Glenda: Thank you for helping with my mother now stop working and rest for one second, especially now you deserve it.

Stacy: Oh Stacy, what can I say. You are more beautiful than the first time I met you. You and Rob are amazing people and two of the most important people in my life. You guys shaped me at such an early age. Tell your step dad that I’m still sorry.

Brent: Where the hell have you been? I’m sorry if I contributed to your smoking but it felt right at the time. So awesome to hear from you, thank you!!

Ragan: I wish I could give you a hug right now. You have been reading these blogs and have been so supportive. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through right now and we need that drink.

Carrie: I can’t imagine my childhood without you. Thank you for finding me.

Stephanie: You are the cousin that was with me the whole entire time. I miss you dearly and I love your children. I hope someday we can be closer but always know you’re in my thoughts constantly.

Aspen: I have no idea who you are, but your advice for Maine was awesome!!! Thank you sooooo much!

For the rest of you who haven’t commented or I didn’t mention…. COMMENT damnit and let me know you’re out there. I love you all…